Becoming a Princess Bride

Are you a "Martha Stewart?"

2011-12-29T10:34:00.000-08:00

With every engagement comes a flurry of thoughts about the wedding: big or small; indoor or outdoors; colors? And once you've moved passed those questions, most brides begin to look through wedding images (magazines, blogs, web sites) - if they haven't been doing it for years already ;-) And the photos begin to get clipped.

Once the date has been set there is a dead line. Every bride reacts differently. Some of you will be fueled by this to get things done, while others might feel overwhelmed.

Give yourself a break! A wedding is about the marriage and not the linen colors or favors. And marriage is a huge deal! You will experience so many emotions around it. So make things easy on yourself so that you can enjoy the whole engagement.

Now, lets talk about a major part of your planning... the Details. Are you creative and wanting to come up with your own ideas, or is it easier for you to copy what you've seen? This isn't an area to pressure yourself or a time to make yourself something you're not. Be true to yourself and let the fun begin!

Copy cat - if you're not the Martha Stewart type but want to be able to say that you made something by hand, pick something easy. As you go along clipping all those photos of things you like (center pieces, place cards, cake table, favors, etc.) decide early what you'd like to make. Perhaps you'd like to work on the place cards. This is a great way to personalized things. Maybe you'll want to hand stamp them with an image that matches your invitations. This is something that you can follow through into your table numbers and programs if you have the time. What ever you decide to work on, hand the other photos over to your professionals. Let them help you bring together your vision for your perfect day.

Creative - if you've been waiting for this moment and just can't wait to make things, but want your wedding to be different, use all those images you've been clipping to get inspired. Maybe you see some one's paper flowers and are going to make a garland to sting around the ceremony area. Maybe some one's vintage suitcase (used for gift cards) inspires you to search out vintage postcards for your "guest book"... and that inspires a vintage feel - you make your own veil circa Jackie O, and you carry a bouquet made from vintage broaches. The one thing I urge you to do, is to NOT do it ALL. I've seen some brides with so many details that they leave themselves for last. And although they have every single detail ready and where it needs to be, they're running late and show up to their own wedding with damp hair. Then they carry that hurried energy with them throughout the day, and no one is even noticing all the splendid work you've done as they're too busy wondering what happened to make you so late.

So whether you're the creative or copy type, relax and be true to yourself. Don't take the 9 months of planning to become a competitive ballroom dancer, expert at origami, and pastry chef. Enjoy this time and just be a Bride.

in search of sites and planners

2011-08-24T01:23:00.000-07:00

Getting engaged to be married can be so excited! and for some it can be so overwhelming. The first thing everyone will want to know is WHEN are you getting married and WHERE will it be. All of a sudden you begin to feel behind even though you're just getting started. So you decide its time to get the ball rolling and visit some sites and maybe a few coordinators while you're at it.

here are a few tips for you:

1.take notes!... of everything you like; questions you were left with; and what you didn't like. It'll help you make your decision when you're back home. Because 5-10 sites is a lot to take in! you'll begin to jumble together your memories and the different impressions you got. Also, have someone take a photo of you where the ceremony would be so you'll get an idea of what the photos & guest's point of view might be.

2. sites - before you go, make a list of must haves; do you want to serve hard alcohol? do you want to shuttle people in (is there big enough space for buses)? Do you have elderly (is it handicap accessible? are there lots of stairs or walking involved?)? how many bathrooms are there (will there be a long line of people all night?)? is there a private space for you and your bridal party to dress or change or get away for a few moments? does it fit your budget? What are the available dates? (if you want candles everywhere but this site only has July dates left for Sunday afternoons, you probably won't have any candles!)
*Make sure you have this list handy because you might fall in love with a site that doesn't meet your criteria, and then you're stuck. Try not to compare the sites as they're all so different - code for don't fall in love with what won't work. And allow enough time to talk about your impressions before going off to the next spot. You might both have a totally different view of the site. And remember that the bottom line, is the bottom line. If it doesn't fit the budget, its OK to move on... no one will ever know what you passed on.

3. planners/coordinators - have a good idea of where you need help. If you have no idea, be honest to your self about that. And then ask how they can be of help to you. Make sure to listen to concrete thoughts, not just fluff words like "I will make sure everything is amazing. It's gonna be out of this world! I can totally read you, and will create a dream come true."... Even I'd love to hear all that, but what does it translate to?? Ask for concrete items of what they do. Find out if the coordinator is a planner vs. a coordinator = here is a story about a planner - Some people dream big; paint an amazing visual for you, and can get you really excited about the possibilities. I just heard about a couple who with just 3 months before their wedding were feeling overwhelmed. So they hired "an amazing planner" who quickly decided that they needed to add a few chandeliers to their outdoor venue for dramatic lighting, thought the dancing area would look better in photos for their dinner, and had the dancing where the dining usually takes place, and she decided to change their shuttles to 1 bus as it would be more fun to have bigger crowds on the bus at one time. Unfortunately, although the planner had done a walk thru with the couple, she didn't work with the other vendors or the site to get their opinions. The couple ended up spending $3k more for lighting that was never used as their wedding was in July and the wedding ended at 9pm (the sun was just setting when it was all over!). The dinner was so jammed packed with guests because the space was too tight for the number of guests they had. And the dancing wasn't fun as people were supposed to dance on the grass because the site wouldn't allow a dance floor on their lawn ($1200 wasted!), not to mention that the 1-56 pax bus couldn't fit under the permanent awning so the guests actually had to walk down the street a ways, in the dark because it was the only place the bus could fit! - Now believe me when I say that I don't mean a planner can't work some place new (I do it all the time :-)). But I talk to other vendors about their experiences there, I speak to the site, and I trouble shoot all of the what ifs.
So in comparison, a coordinator is a person who executes the plans - yours or theirs. Not everyone can do this well... some folks get stressed out, and hence stress you or the families out. Some have others on their teams to do this part of it.Coordinating isn't always so glamorous, so you need to know if they're willing to do the dirty work too. They also need to get along with all of the vendors - they are the back stage directors, not the stars... so know what you're getting when you sign on that dotted line. If they have the nickname of "Sargent" or the "Colonel" these aren't really good things!
So ask:

-how long they've been doing this work (you'd be surprised how many people jump in when they've lost their job some place else)... and these days anyone can build a great web site.

- how they got into the business (some had so much fun planning their own wedding! Doesn't mean they can plan yours)

- and give them a few nightmare scenarios and listen to their answers. How fast can they think on their feet?

- don't buy into any vendor that makes you feel pressure (oh my, you're getting started really late! or You mean you haven't hired a ____ yet? you better start right away! (remember this person is supposed to make you feel better, not worse!)

- what areas are they experienced in? what's their specialty?

whats their favorite part of the job/experience?

- most importantly - how do they feel to you?? This person, on your wedding day, will be around you a lot! does their voice irritate you? are they too bossy? are they too quiet? Are they a little quirky? Are they a bit gruff? Only you know what feels right to you. And this is the only position where it really matters - (well your photographer too). And believe me, I've met plenty of brides who once we get to chatting I refer them to someone else because I know we're not a good fit...

So just a few things to think about!... good luck!!!

Be our guest!

2011-07-23T00:07:00.000-07:00

How do you plan a great event and still manage to enjoy it?

I hear this question all the time. And those couples that don't ask have already told me they're planning to work; "I know I won't get to eat a bite. I'll be too busy visiting tables."
When you spend months making such detailed decisions such as how the napkins will be folded, and which font to use for your menu cards, and don't forget about flowers in the restrooms, I really hope you do enjoy it!
Its true there are so many things happening at once that it can be hard to see it all, but there are ways around that...
Use your photographer. Aside from taking photos of key moments, they will take detail shots for you. Let them know ahead of time what you've put time and effort into. If you've ordered flowers for the entry gate - tell them. You might not get to see such details and won't even remember that you had a detailed conversation about which way the ribbon would be tied. But if there is a photo of it you will.

Think you'll go hungry? Don't.
Brides that don't eat because they want to make the rounds make 2 main mistakes; 1. they feel like they're on a mission, so no one ever feels you're really enjoying this chat = you're crossing me off the list. 2. They get bitchy. Of course you do! its been days since you've eaten enough and you're really tired. You might not know it as the adrenalin has kicked in, but you're gonna crash, and most likely it ain't gonna be pretty.
Listen, you've picked an awesome menu, now have a seat. Your guests are much more relaxed and enjoying their meal if they can see you doing the same. When you're working the room, not eating, guests like your Auntie are wondering if there is anything they can do for you, or whats wrong, or "I wonder if shes looking for the ___ that I put over by the ____." Once you relax, they will too. Bon Appetit!

Minding your time - let someone else do it for you. Hopefully you have some amazing coordinator who is keeping track of the day for you. Let them. Don't micro manage and keep on asking if its time yet - when it is, they will let you know. I mean really, we can't cut the cake with out you.

Think of it this way; running an event is like any project. Your mind is very task oriented. But being a guest is very creative as you're enjoying the experiences that surround you. Don't try to have your brain flip flop from side to side all night. Just experience what you've already worked on. You are your guests barometer. When you're having fun, they will too.

The bottom line is that you have hired a great team of professionals (I hope!). Trust that they are doing just what you've asked them to do. Enjoy you day and be our guest.

Its a balancing act

2011-07-10T01:55:00.000-07:00

You're getting married! You have dreamt of this day forever it seems. Now is your chance to do all of those things you've thought about, written in your journal, and imagined since you became engaged. Can you do it all? How do you do it all?? Do you do it for you, or for your guests?

As you begin planning and working out your time line, do it in a few points of view. Make out your schedule for the day, think about your attendants & family's where and whens, and don't forget about your guests. Its very easy to schedule in the extra 2 hours for the photo shoot you want in between your ceremony and reception. And although many of your family & attendants will be doing it with you, what about your guests who are not? When your guests are all local, maybe its no big deal to go home for a few hours and come back for your dinner. But what if they're not from the area? Are they sitting in their rental car? finding a fast food place? or following you around like the paparazzi?
Why not have someone host them? Say there are 10-15 that you know will be coming, and might not know the area. Perhaps a close friend or family member (not in the wedding) can invite them over for a pitcher of margaritas and some cheese and crackers. Really anything that shows that you have thought about your guests and their comfort will be welcomed.

Lets talk ceremony.
You've decided to touch on rituals from many different cultures, since you and your soon-to-be spouse are from different cultures yourselves. You've spent months writing your own ceremony and know the whole thing by heart. In this case, don't fore go a program. Include the ceremony's out line, but more importantly, tell us what the ritual's represent, and why you chose them. I want to understand that when you turn to face each of the 4 directions its a native American tradition thanking the Earth. Don't give us things that make us go hmmm.

Celebrity vs. Neighbor.
Are you sitting at the edge of the room on an elevated platform away from your guests where you can be seen? Or are you sitting in the middle of the room where everyone can (and will) stop by your table to congratulate you? Every couple has a different idea for their day. If you opt to be seen/watched, give us a show. Have it all be organized, seamless, magical. Smile everywhere you go - some one is always watching. If you're sitting among your guests, be welcoming of their chatting with you. Try to get your photos done and out of the way and don't leave (much) again. Speak to your guests. And I don't mean table hopping during dinner where you speak to everyone at the table and count that as spending time with them. At some point, really have a moment and chat with your guests. You don't need to ask about what happened at work the last 2 days you were gone, but don't just flash them a pretty smile and walk right by. They are there for you. They are there because you invited them. So be a gracious host (or have someone else be), and have a good time. Ultimately, its your happiness that will be contagious. So can you do it all? as long as you've taken care of your guests, Yes! (and do it with flair:-))

Pros vs. Cons

2011-04-11T17:01:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows someone who is a DJ, florist, photographer, or some other wedding vendor. The question is "When do you hire a friend?"
Its really important that you be honest with yourself about your expectations before you speak to any friend about them working for you at your wedding. Do you expect their complete professionalism, giving you the same, if not more attention than their other clients? Are you paying them, or expecting it for free?

I hear there are professional vendors out there who will work just as hard for their friend's events even if they're not getting paid - but I have yet to meet one. Evey time there is a friend, in the back of my mind I'm hearing "oh no." If you have your friend who, lets say, is a photographer, and you tell them to just have fun and enjoy the wedding - don't be surprised when they're at the bar getting a drink, mingling, or maybe putting down the camera after the cake has been cut. Did they get all the shots you wanted? How could they when you didn't give them a list because you didn't want to seem so pushy, and well "they know what they're doing, right?"

I once worked with a DJ who was a guest. Somehow every time I needed him to make an announcement he was no where to be found (yes, he had a copy of the time line). And even though it was a smaller wedding (75), and was friends with many of the guests, he decided to be casual and not use the mic. Instead, he cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled things like " ok guys, they're gonna cut the cake, so go over there so these table can get taken away" or "its time for some people to say stuff - you know the drill" for toast time. At the end of the night when I told him it was time for their last dance, he said he was playing the last song - they hadn't discussed a formal last dance/goodbye/send off song... so no announcement, nothing. The couple just went around and sheepishly said good bye to a few people and just left - no fan fare or anything. so I gathered up a group standing near the door and told them that we were going to walk them to their town car and we gave them the send off you would expect.

Your DJ isn't just the guy who's playing the songs, he is the emcee - the entertainment. With out that, there isn't much excitement, anticipation, magic.
So know what you're getting yourself into. Friend or not, if you want their full service you should consider paying their full fee. If they offer a discount, or to do it for free let them know you appreciate their offer, but that you want to be "just like any of your other couples." Perhaps you still get the discounts, but it'll set you up for having all of the meetings and phone calls to go over details like they do every other time. 'Cause at the end of the (wedding) day, your coordinator can put out tons of "fires," but we can't (make you a new cake, take the photos, sing your 1st song, ask for a do over on your intro as husband and wife, or remake the pasta) do it all ... unless we know ahead of time ;-)

Are you a Green Bride?

2011-01-31T23:59:00.000-08:00

Living here in Northern California, we hear and talk about "Green" all the time. From our cars and homes, to our kids lunch boxes, and clothing. But many people today still think you need to be all or nothing. I'm a believer of every little bit helps. How green are you?

There are many things you can do even for your wedding. Some of the basics are using recycled paper for your printed items (invitations, programs, welcome notes, etc.). Also consider hiring only local vendors - within a 50 mile radius of your wedding site. How about using only 1 location for ceremony and reception. Are your vendors green? In this area most all caterers use only fresh local ingredients. How about your area? There was once a bride very proud of being green, but I was surprised that the organic cake she ordered had to be shipped in, as well as her hemp dress, which was made in another state which she flew to 5 times in the planning process. Just sayin'.

One thing that I've been doing for years, which is now a big wow, is taking all those lovely flowers seen at your wedding, and rearranging them into smaller bouquets and taking them to senior centers and convalescent homes. The recipients really love them! And otherwise they end up in the garbage or at the wait staff's homes.

So take small steps into helping our planet - whatever your beliefs are, less is (really) more!

Bridal Fairs

2011-01-04T14:21:00.000-08:00

The beginning of the year is always filled with new goals, and promises. For many of you, the promise of marriage came in the form of a Christmas gift, or a New Year's resolution.

So now you're planning a wedding. Congratulations! How fun and exciting!! ... but for some of you its a bit overwhelming. Lucky for you the start of the year also brings about Bridal Fair Season. For the next 2 months you can find a fair, or "show" practically every weekend. So lets talk about what to do there.

A Bridal fair is a great place to meet potential vendors. Its also the perfect place to get ideas when you're just starting out. When you're well on your way, its a great way to book your vendors at a discounted rate. I like to think of them as a great place to do lots of research in a short time frame. So keep in mind 2 things: you are looking for vendors, and they are working to book weddings. But lets keep it fun.

So how do you get started? Here are a few tips to make it worth your while:
Before you go

When you hear about a show and are thinking about attending, call them or look up their website. Find out if participating vendors have free passes and then contact one, or several depending on how many tickets you'll need. Keep in mind you might only get one or two from any vendor as they might only get 5-10 passes total.
Decide who is going with you. At first you might think of bringing your mom, his mom, your sisters, your bff, and his sis cuz shes had the same boyfriend since high school. Not a good idea. It won't even be that fun for them all. Sure there will be food and cake samples in little 2oz cups, and maybe some wine, but is it worth paying $10-$15 per person if you don't get a free pass? Will it be fun for everyone to wait for you as you're talking to florists or invitation companies? And keep in mind, the vendors really want to talk to the decision maker, not the "bridal party." If its your first show and you don't have a date set, bring someone - just 1, that you'll have fun with while getting ideas. If you're further into the planning stages with a date and a budget and really looking for information bring along someone who is going to make decisions too (your mom, or fiance). When you're looking to book someone bring your check book!
Some shows will provide you with a page or 2 of labels with your name and information on them, others don't. Find out and make your own if they don't give them to you. What you'll want on it is your REAL name, wedding date, email, and your mailing address is up to you. Some vendors might still contact you by snail mail, but most will email these days. The reason you want these is that often vendors raffle off discounts or gifts and its much easier to stick on your label than to write out all the information.

Once at the Bridal Fair

Look at every one's photos. They will all have them, and its a great way to get ideas and inspiration. Even if its a vendor you know you don't need.
Enter every raffle/giveaway, you never know what you might win.... years ago, I won my dress!
Talk to the vendors. Look them in the eye and say hello.
Be honest. If you don't have a date, say so. If you're just getting ideas say so... but please don't avoid us. If you don't want us to talk to you, and you don't want to talk to us, why are you there?!
Don't look at merchandise and say how ugly something is and that you wouldn't be caught dead in it. That's just rude, and believe me, that vendor will remember you when you walk through their door.
Ask questions. "I hadn't really thought about using a ______, how can you help me?"
Don't monopolize a vendor. If you click and are getting some good information, ask if you can set up a time for a more detailed consultation. Remember at the show, they're trying to meet as many potential brides as possible.
get a card or brochure from everyone. Its a great place to jot down notes like "good idea," "call," or "don't hire." And don't throw them out until you've hired all of your vendors. You'll often get referrals from other vendors and its great to cross reference them if you've already met them.
Don't avoid a vendor that you've met with but decided not to hire. Just say hello as you walk by. If they ask you why you haven't called back you can be honest (which is really helpful to their business), or you can just say "our needs have changed." And if you just didn't mix, they probably had the same feeling.

Discounts

If you've seen a vendor that you'd like to hire but are waiting for the next bridal fair for a discount, you're better off just asking if they can give you their show rate. You don't want to take the chance on them getting booked by another bride. But if they can't do that (they'd rather book someone at their regular rate), and you want to take the risk and wait, ask them if they'll pencil you in for your date and give you a call if someone else wants the same date. At least that way, you'll get to make the decision. But if you have one of those popular wedding dates, like 9/10/11, don't expect to get any breaks. You thought it was such a great date, and so did hundreds of other couples.

Bottom line, bridal shows can be at its best a great place to hire your vendors and get some amazing ideas. At its worst, it can be crowded, loud, and overwhelming. So come prepared. Wear comfy shoes, and bring water. Be ready to chat, take notes, and have fun.

Dreams or disapointments?

2010-11-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

We all have dreams about our wedding. We can all imagine how tender our first married kiss will be. How beautiful we'll look in our dress. The joy we'll feel all day as we're getting ready for our big day.
What we didn't think of was how wound tight we would be feeling after days of getting only 4 hours of sleep; answering phone calls from guests asking if they can bring an extra friend, or change their entree because now they're going to try being vegan; listening to your mom about how she can't believe that your aunt, her sister, didn't even (fill in the blank) . So now you're doing the best that you can to hold it all together because in just a little bit you're going to have the wedding of your dreams, right?
think about the details. Share all of the details with someone who can help you on your wedding day. So not the groom, and not your mom, and not your maid of honor. None of these people will be able to sprint off to fix something that may come up. Of course I wish that every bride could have a coordinator for their wedding, but not everyone does. So maybe there is a cousin, or work associate that you can ask to help. Or even pass off different tasks to different people so they're in charge of making sure that just that 1 thing is how you hoped.
Yes, I know you can do it all. I know you have planned this so well, you know it like the back of your hand. I understand that you were your sister's MOH, or are the event planner at work. This isn't about being capable of planning. I'm suggesting you think of how you're going to get this job done while you're getting your photos taken. With so many planned details, not to mention the extra ones saved in your mind. Are you setting yourself up for disappointment?
A few years back, when I was finished styling a wedding party, and was packing up my car, I saw the bride's limo pull up to the front of the hotel. It was a little misty on that October day. And the bride was staying in the private cottages across the street. I watched as everyone came out of the cottage, carrying their dress bags, extra shoes, make up bags, etc. The bride had hiked up her silk Shantung so that her hem wouldn't get dirty. But as she stepped off the curb, her white silk heel hit a puddle. She was so mad she let go of the dress for an instant, and it too got a bit wet- she was in tears!..... If only someone had just asked the limo driver to pull up in front of the cottage. Such a simple solution. But not one person thought ahead to this tiny detail.
It was a tiny detail, but your day will be full of them. From the florist telling one of your attendants to make sure to squeeze the water out of the bouquet before giving it to you - but then the photographer picks it up and hands it to you. So, no worries, they can photo shop the water spots from your photos- even though no one has seen your dress yet as the ceremony is still an hour away; Cake cutting time, and you want to taste the chocolate raspberry layer, and not the lemon poppy seed one - but you forgot to ask which one was where; You decided that 1/2 way through your father daughter dance it would be so sweet if your new husband escorted your mom on to the dance floor, but you forgot to tell him.
there are many little whispers we have while planning our special day. But if you don't write them down, and then pass on the information it might not happen. I know you want to surprise everyone and have the most magical day. But please, please, please share your thoughts with someone else who can help you make sure these tiny details happen, and help to make your day amazing, not filled with tiny disappointments. Because you don't get a second take at that scene. This is it! So don't set your self up. Know that at least 3 things will go wrong. So ask for help. And most importantly you are still getting married!

To Do, or not to Do

2010-09-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

Weddings are interesting beings. They certainly can take on lives of their own.

While watching the budget out of the corner of their eye, some brides cross lines and push the envelope more often than they choose to admit. So the dress is $1,000 more than planned but its "perfect.".. So the guest list grew by 50 more than we thought... So the photographer's packages start at our max... There are so many excuses we use to get what we want, that I'm surprised by how often I hear of the one place where brides really nickel and dime: Hair and make up.

I can understand not wanting to have someone do your hair if you've never been happy with how anyone else does it. Or maybe you have someone in the family that can do it for free. But when some brides have paid thousands for their dress, hundreds for their shoes, and will spend a few thousand more just to capture that look for generations to view, why wouldn't you want to have nice looking hair and make up? Or at least, why don't you want to pay for it?

There are certainly huge ranges out there for either hair or make up or both. Pricing will vary on experience of the stylist, as well as the salons they work at, and, well, their attitude, but that's really about it. You can pay from $50 for an updo, up to $800 for the same thing. What you are willing to pay is totally up to you, and what you value it at. I recently saw on an episode of Platinum Weddings a bride pay $3,000 for her hair, no extensions in or anything! But keep in mind that while some of us pay $25 for a hair cut, others pay $125 and higher. Some pay $45 for highlights, while others pay $350 for their color every 6 weeks. So why would that same bride balk at paying someone $200 to do her hair, make up, and travel to the spot of her choice? I can't figure that one out.
Just don't haggle over the price. If its too expensive find someone else. And then don't push all of your wedding stress on them just because they're the last ones to see you before you get dressed for the day. (I have seem many great wedding/special event stylist quit doing brides because its too stressful.) and yes, you tip your stylist! Treat the stylist with respect ( they've honed their craft), treat them like a friend (you can share everything with them), and practice your wedding smile on them, they have earned it.
Bottom line is; you don't get married everyday, so why look the way you do everyday? I say Do!

Creating or capturing moments

2010-08-31T02:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed when you're at a wedding, that every corner offers the perfect place to snap a shot? There are amazing flowers, gorgeous food, and smiles everywhere you look. For every bride there is a perfect photographer. The question is: "How to get what you want from your photographer?"

There is a simple answer to this question... just be honest about what you want.

I've seen brides select a photographer from viewing his portfolio. that makes sense, right? Well, what is it that you saw that sold you on his services? Was it the natural, candid moments? Was it the staged portraits? Maybe its the staged moment. Huh?

On occasion I've seen couples be a bit disappointed with their wedding photos. They describe how the photos don't look like fun, or something like that. But do they capture the wedding?
You may have loved the photo of that other couple walking down the street in the middle of traffic, or the bride walking on the beach. Did you do that? Probably not.
When you see these photos, ask yourself if that's a moment that has been captured or a moment that was created. No matter how talented your photographer is when you want them to capture your day as it is, it might not look so exciting to you after the fact. Sure they can capture his boutonniere, or your dad giving you a wink, or your mother's tears at your first dance. They will capture your day. But if you want that photo of you skipping down the path, or your husband twirling you around, you're gonna have to do those things.
Some photographers are great at getting you alone and feeling comfortable enough to get you out of your comfort zone. Just then he can create a moment. Something that later on in life will become a memory; "remember when we were running towards the swings?"
Now I'm not saying that you should act or anything for your photos. But if you or your family is sort of plain and a little boring, even when there is great food and fun music, you can't blame your photographer. If you don't lean over and whisper into her ear, you can't blame anyone for not capturing it. So when you're shopping around, don't be afraid to ask the photographers if certain photos were staged. And if you like them, ask him to do the same for you.
... and as for the bride rolling around in the surf - no bride in her right mind is going to do that between the ceremony and the reception... but they do the next day. We call it "trashing the dress." Why not. You're never gonna wear it again, right? So book another day with your photographer to play, and create some moments.

What was she thinking?

2010-08-20T00:18:00.000-07:00

I love weddings. I love the real moments at weddings. The behind the scene kind of stuff. And believe me there are plenty. Photographers can do a great job in capturing moments you never saw. A tear from a parent, loosening up a tie, a groom giving his bride a cute little wink. You never know when the camera is going to be on you. So I like to tell brides to "have that Mona Lisa smile on your face constantly."
You see, a wedding is like being in a movie. Everyone looks amazing, the food is fantastic, and the music has every one's toes tapping. Which can also suggest that in this day and age of everyone being a bit like paparazzi with our camera phones, everyone is looking for a behind the scene story.
I remember being a guest at a wedding where the music was playing (loud), and someone came up to the bride. Well, she couldn't hear them and asked them to repeat themselves. Unfortunately she had this look on her face, you know the one we all make when we're not sure what someone just said; focused brow, squinted eyes, strained face. Not a good face to make when everyone is watching your every moment... at this wedding the questions quickly began: "what do you think happened?" "whats wrong?" "I bet..." fill in the blank. Everyone wanted to create a situation. Perhaps to make the story a bit juicier? But couldn't the wedding itself be enough? Couldn't the couple vowing to love, and honor each other be the best story anyone could ask for? Perhaps we're so used to sensationalism that professing our love just becomes the ordinary and mundane. Well, I hope not.
So keep that Mona Lisa smile - all day long. You never know who, or when someone is watching. But I can guarantee someone always is.

Servers or Servants?

2010-08-12T01:33:00.000-07:00

When planning a wedding, we all know it takes a village... or do you?
To plan the small, simple, yet elegant affair, you'll be working with a catering company's sales team who will assign their team of 8+ servers, 2 bartenders, 3 chefs, 3 kitchen crew, and an event manager (more or less). Your music can be played by 1 DJ, or a string quartet (4), + a live band 4-10; or maybe just an ipod with a play list that your friends create for you. What about your centerpieces? I know you'd like to keep it simple, just a few personal flowers, and a small arrangement on every table... so that's about 4 in house to arrange, 2 buyers at the wholesale market, and 2 to deliver. Think about all the other services you'll be contacting and then working with for your special day. there are a lot of people working for your celebration. Up to 30 on site. Have you thought about them? What do you think about them?

When planning your wedding, little things can make a big difference in how your team will treat 'your day.' Please and Thank You still go a long way. A kind, sweet bride is someone everyone is willing to take a call from. And how about a little small talk (if they have the time for it). oh, and don't forget to ask about their office days/hours. - It seems I always hear about this one. "I left a message on Saturday, and now its Monday and I still haven't heard back. They must not want my business." Think about it this way... Friday I'm focused on Saturday's wedding; Saturday I'm not taking any calls or messages that don't have to do with that days event (which is what you want to happen on your wedding day!); Sunday there may be another wedding or a follow up event; Monday I hope to have a day off; Tuesday I'd love to have another day off, but am most likely reviewing the upcoming weekend's schedule and listening to messages; Wednesday in office and returning calls - hopefully. Thursday answering more calls, emails, site visits, etc. So please don't get offended or think that they don't want your business. Of course they do, that's why you've heard of them in the first place. And please, always be civil. All the way to the end. Even kind and sweet. Vendors love to recommend great clients to other vendors in hopes of creating what we think is that 'dream team.' - We're lucky if we get that opportunity once a year.
Now the flip side of that kind, sweet bride isn't always the "Bridezilla." Sometimes its the bride that you feel took advantage of you, played you. The worst thing you can do is to be nice and kind all throughout the planning and the event, and as soon as the guests are gone all hell breaks loose. If you're gonna fake it to get people to do more for you, do it until you drive off at the end of the night. You see, wedding vendors are a special breed. We are hopeful; helpless romantics, always wanting to see the true love in a couple. Its almost as if we fall in love with your love. As if by being near you, a little bit rubs off on us, and we get to bring it home. So when this removing of the kid gloves happens, they can feel betrayed. And I am not speaking of the bride who breaks down due to the stress she's been feeling during the planing, showers, and get togethers.- we're used to that. we see that all the time. Its the bride who finally lets her true colors shine through. Its the one who shows her claws that can blow you away.

Let me share a story with you... not that long a go, I had a chance to work with a Mattel couple. You know the one - Barbie and Ken. they're the couple that look like models, are so kind and inviting, have amazing life experiences, probably met in the peace corps or on some mission helping to bring shoes or glasses to Guatemala. And they have the best love story right? And of course he hijacks her (just after their mission is over) to Paris for 3 weeks where he proposes, not on the Eiffel Tower, but across from it so she can have it in her sights as he drops down on 1 knee with a 3 carat ring - on loan of course, so that she may go back later and pick out the one that really makes her happy. anyway, everything is perfect about them. And so is their wedding day. Or so I thought. At the end of this night I hear the bride screaming. She is totally going off at the DJ. And how his boss is going to hear from her. Shes going on really loudly, and I'm packing up her gifts and guest book. I quickly move toward her, and sadly, I can see that her family is quickly scattering about. At that moment it becomes clear that this isn't the stress release I mentioned earlier. This bride grabs her guest book, looks around and asks "why am I still here? I paid a lot of money for this wedding and why don't I have a drink in my hand? You've all dropped the ball on this one. You'll be hearing from me!" Then she points at the winery owner (who she's never met) and orders him to "bring my dress bag out to the car" and storms out. You could almost read the thought bubbles above every one's head as the sound of cricket's grew louder. We were all frozen in place. You see, in that instant, she took everyone on her Dream team from relishing in the aftermath of a great event, to feeling like some low, underpaid servant who wonders why they give up their weekends to be at your wedding. And let me tell you that's all it takes.
One moment like that can change everything. That's how quickly prices get raised, and good vendors retire. That's how quickly the discount you were going to be given because the event "was like being at a party" for lets say the photographer, or the caterer who wasn't going to charge you for those 2 extra guests, now says to their staff "forget that B----!", and takes home the 'go away' basket that they were going to gift you. They've worked hard. They are exhausted. And no one was out to get you. They were all there, all 30 +/- to make you look good. That's all. We are in the service industry. We love to help and to serve...
So what was the problem? I asked everyone; the DJ, the caterers, the bartenders, and no one seems to know. The groom just shrugs and smiles sheepishly, and walks out. Everyone is stunned. Finally I see her little sister who is quickly gathering the bride's shoes and that dress bag and I approach her. See its my job to make sure everything is OK, or try to make it that way. So I question the sister. She is almost afraid to tell me, so I'm thinking this is huge. A wedding nightmare. My wedding nightmare. turns out, that the bride's father had requested a song and the DJ played it. Whats the problem with that, you ask? It was that this was the song that the groom's parents had danced to at their wedding, and the groom had wanted to use it for their first dance too. But the bride decided against it. That's it. Nothing more. Who could have seen this coming? How do you plan for that? Dj's will ask what your 1st dance will be to, but they don't ask how many other songs were considered, or rejected. And if its not on your 'don't play' list, why wouldn't he? Especially if the FOB requests it. - I was shocked. Pure disbelief. She was gone.
After months of planning, calls that lasted hours, listening to her thoughts that she couldn't share with her friends. No thank yous. Not to the caterer, the staff, or me. And not even a goodbye. Not to anyone. What about those tips that I'm supposed to divvy up with the groom? gone. But I guess I could say there was 1 sign. A tiny one... earlier in the day there was a question as to the front of the cake - it was really exactly the same on all sides, but you look all around just to make sure. That's when the mother of the groom walked in and asked what we were doing. When I explained she simply said "if its not perfect, She'll go ballistic." What? huh?
I'm sure that this bride will have forgotten all about that one moment. But that moment and that bride will be remembered by all on her team - always. Simply because they were all servers, not servants.

So like any movie or event, its always the beginning and end that stays in your mind. Such is the same with a wedding, and the bride...

Who is a Princess Bride

2010-08-02T02:50:00.000-07:00

The Princess Bride isn't the one with "Platinum wedding," and the designer gown. She isn't the one who comes from the family with the most money in your home town. And she certainly isn't the one who brings all of her friends and family with her for a destination wedding.

The Princess Bride that I've been so lucky to meet, is the woman (and often girl at heart), that is kind, respectful, caring of others, and truly in love with the person she is about to marry... does this sound like you?

With so many shows out there about weddings, and many of them wanting the brides they show to be rude, and obnoxious, the term "bridezilla" has become common place when navigating the wedding world. Although these "Bridezillas" may be funny to watch, they are certainly no fun to be around - either as a friend, family, or anyone working for them = the vendors. These types of brides have increased the price of your wedding.
Its not unheard of for hotels, and caterers to charge up to 15% more for a wedding than a corporate event. How can they do that? Easy. Your wedding is going to take them a lot more time to plan than a corporate event. Every time you call to talk about the napkin colors, menus, favors, etc., and every time your Mom calls too, is more time that they are working on your wedding. And even in the wedding world, time=money.
Now back to that Bridezilla. Because she is no fun to be around, or work for, she may not get the help she is expecting from her vendors. They may not be volunteering information, or offering discounts as they may to that Princess Bride. They are certainly doing what you have contracted them to do, but not more. Its true what they say " you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar." Think about it.
So, who is a princess bride?
The bride who can have 250+ guests travel hours, even days to her wedding because they are happy for her. They want to support her. She knows all of her guests. They're not just family, college friends, friends of her parents, and coworkers who they feel obligated to invite. She actually knows her guests. This bride takes the time to say hello, chats for a moment, and looks them right in the eye and listens when she asks how they are. Even at her own wedding! Somehow she has gotten to know that the sales person for the catering company that she is working with has kids, has asked their names, and knows what they do in their off time. This bride has written thank you notes to the site manager for all of their help - before the wedding! She is the bride who will have the wedding everyone dreams about. And let me remind you that the wedding we all have dreamt of isn't the one with the most bling, or the most tropical destination. Its the wedding where you feel so truly blessed to be surrounded by those you love; its romantic in gestures to each other; but mostly you're just thrilled to be marrying the one you love...