Are you a "Martha Stewart?"

     With every engagement comes a flurry of thoughts about the wedding: big or small; indoor or outdoors; colors? And once you've moved passed those questions, most brides begin to look through wedding images (magazines, blogs, web sites) - if they haven't been doing it for years already ;-) And the photos begin to get clipped.

Once the date has been set there is a dead line. Every bride reacts differently. Some of you will be fueled by this to get things done, while others might feel overwhelmed.

Give yourself a break! A wedding is about the marriage and not the linen colors or favors. And marriage is a huge deal! You will experience so many emotions around it. So make things easy on yourself so that you can enjoy the whole engagement.

     Now, lets talk about a major part of your planning... the Details. Are you creative and wanting to come up with your own ideas, or is it easier for you to copy what you've seen? This isn't an area to pressure yourself or a time to make yourself something you're not. Be true to yourself and let the fun begin!

     Copy cat - if you're not the Martha Stewart type but want to be able to say that you made something by hand, pick something easy. As you go along clipping all those photos of things you like (center pieces, place cards, cake table, favors, etc.) decide early what you'd like to make. Perhaps you'd like to work on the place cards. This is a great way to personalized things. Maybe you'll want to hand stamp them with an image that matches your invitations. This is something that you can follow through into your table numbers and programs if you have the time. What ever you decide to work on, hand the other photos over to your professionals. Let them help you bring together your vision for your perfect day.

     Creative - if you've been waiting for this moment and just can't wait to make things, but want your wedding to be different, use all those images you've been clipping to get inspired. Maybe you see some one's paper flowers and are going to make a garland to sting around the ceremony area. Maybe some one's vintage suitcase (used for gift cards) inspires you to search out vintage postcards for your "guest book"... and that inspires a vintage feel - you make your own veil circa Jackie O, and you carry a bouquet made from vintage broaches. The one thing I urge you to do, is to NOT do it ALL. I've seen some brides with so many details that they leave themselves for last. And although they have every single detail ready and where it needs to be, they're running late and show up to their own wedding with damp hair. Then they carry that hurried energy with them throughout the day, and no one is even noticing all the splendid work you've done as they're too busy wondering what happened to make you so late.

     So whether you're the creative or copy type, relax and be true to yourself. Don't take the 9 months of planning to become a competitive ballroom dancer, expert at origami, and pastry chef. Enjoy this time and just be a Bride.

in search of sites and planners

Getting engaged to be married can be so excited! and for some it can be so overwhelming. The first thing everyone will want to know is WHEN are you getting married and WHERE will it be. All of a sudden you begin to feel behind even though you're just getting started. So you decide its time to get the ball rolling and visit some sites and maybe a few coordinators while you're at it.

here are a few tips for you:

1.take notes!... of everything you like; questions you were left with; and what you didn't like. It'll help you make your decision when you're back home. Because 5-10 sites is a lot to take in! you'll begin to jumble together your memories and the different impressions you got. Also, have someone take a photo of you where the ceremony would be so you'll get an idea of what the photos & guest's point of view might be.

2. sites - before you go, make a list of must haves; do you want to serve hard alcohol? do you want to shuttle people in (is there big enough space for buses)? Do you have elderly (is it handicap accessible? are there lots of stairs or walking involved?)? how many bathrooms are there (will there be a long line of people all night?)? is there a private space for you and your bridal party to dress or change or get away for a few moments? does it fit your budget? What are the available dates? (if you want candles everywhere but this site only has July dates left for Sunday afternoons, you probably won't have any candles!)
*Make sure you have this list handy because you might fall in love with a site that doesn't meet your criteria, and then you're stuck. Try not to compare the sites as they're all so different - code for don't fall in love with what won't work. And allow enough time to talk about your impressions before going off to the next spot. You might both have a totally different view of the site. And remember that the bottom line, is the bottom line. If it doesn't fit the budget, its OK to move on... no one will ever know what you passed on.

3. planners/coordinators - have a good idea of where you need help. If you have no idea, be honest to your self about that. And then ask how they can be of help to you. Make sure to listen to concrete thoughts, not just fluff words like "I will make sure everything is amazing. It's gonna be out of this world! I can totally read you, and will create a dream come true."... Even I'd love to hear all that, but what does it translate to?? Ask for concrete  items of what they do. Find out if the coordinator is a planner vs. a coordinator = here is a story about a planner -  Some people dream big; paint an amazing visual for you, and can get you really excited about the possibilities. I just heard about a couple who with just 3 months before their wedding were feeling overwhelmed. So they hired "an amazing planner" who quickly decided that they needed to add a few chandeliers to their outdoor venue for dramatic lighting, thought the dancing area would look better in photos for their dinner, and had the dancing where the dining usually takes place, and she decided to change their shuttles to 1 bus as it would be more fun to have bigger crowds on the bus at one time. Unfortunately, although the planner had done a walk thru with the couple, she didn't work with the other vendors or the site to get their opinions. The couple ended up spending $3k more for lighting that was never used as their wedding was in July and the wedding ended at 9pm (the sun was just setting when it was all over!). The dinner was so jammed packed with guests because the space was too tight for the number of guests they had. And the dancing wasn't fun as people were supposed to dance on the grass because the site wouldn't allow a dance floor on their lawn ($1200 wasted!), not to mention that the 1-56 pax bus couldn't fit under the permanent awning so the guests actually had to walk down the street a ways, in the dark because it was the only place the bus could fit! - Now believe me when I say that I don't mean a planner can't work some place new (I do it all the time :-)). But I talk to other vendors about their experiences there, I speak to the site, and I trouble shoot all of the what ifs.
So in comparison, a coordinator is a person who executes the plans - yours or theirs. Not everyone can do this well... some folks get stressed out, and hence stress you or the families out. Some have others on their teams to do this part of it.Coordinating isn't always so glamorous, so you need to know if they're willing to do the dirty work too. They also need to get along with all of the vendors - they are the back stage directors, not the stars... so know what you're getting when you sign on that dotted line. If they have the nickname of "Sargent" or the "Colonel" these aren't really good things!
So ask:

-how long they've been doing this work (you'd be surprised how many people jump in when they've lost their job some place else)... and these days anyone can build a great web site.

- how they got into the business (some had so much fun planning their own wedding! Doesn't mean they can plan yours)

- and give them a few nightmare scenarios and listen to their answers. How fast can they think on their feet?

- don't buy into any vendor that makes you feel pressure (oh my, you're getting started really late! or You mean you haven't hired a ____ yet? you better start right away! (remember this person is supposed to make you feel better, not worse!)

- what areas are they experienced in? what's their specialty?

whats their favorite part of the job/experience?

- most importantly - how do they feel to you?? This person, on your wedding day, will be around you a lot! does their voice irritate you? are they too bossy? are they too quiet? Are they a little quirky? Are they a bit gruff? Only you know what feels right to you. And this is the only position where it really matters - (well your photographer too). And believe me, I've met plenty of brides who once we get to chatting I refer them to someone else because I know we're not a good fit...

So just a few things to think about!... good luck!!!

Be our guest!

How do you plan a great event and still manage to enjoy it?

I hear this question all the time. And those couples that don't ask have already told me they're planning to work; "I know I won't get to eat a bite. I'll be too busy visiting tables."
When you spend months making such detailed decisions such as how the napkins will be folded, and which font to use for your menu cards, and don't forget about flowers in the restrooms, I really hope you do enjoy it!
Its true there are so many things happening at once that it can be hard to see it all, but there are ways around that...
Use your photographer. Aside from taking photos of key moments, they will take detail shots for you. Let them know ahead of time what you've put time and effort into. If you've ordered flowers for the entry gate - tell them. You might not get to see such details and won't even remember that you had a detailed conversation about which way the ribbon would be tied. But if there is a photo of it you will.

Think you'll go hungry? Don't.
Brides that don't eat because they want to make the rounds make 2 main mistakes; 1. they feel like they're on a mission, so no one ever feels you're really enjoying this chat = you're crossing me off the list. 2. They get bitchy. Of course you do! its been days since you've eaten enough and you're really tired. You might not know it as the adrenalin has kicked in, but you're gonna crash, and most likely it ain't gonna be pretty.
Listen, you've picked an awesome menu, now have a seat. Your guests are much more relaxed and enjoying their meal if they can see you doing the same. When you're working the room, not eating, guests like your Auntie are wondering if there is anything they can do for you, or whats wrong, or "I wonder if shes looking for the ___ that I put over by the ____." Once you relax, they will too. Bon Appetit!

Minding your time - let someone else do it for you. Hopefully you have some amazing coordinator who is keeping track of the day for you. Let them. Don't micro manage and keep on asking if its time yet - when it is, they will let you know. I mean really, we can't cut the cake with out you.

Think of it this way; running an event is like any project. Your mind is very task oriented. But being a guest is very creative as you're enjoying the experiences that surround you. Don't try to have your brain flip flop from side to side all night. Just experience what you've already worked on. You are your guests barometer. When you're having fun, they will too.

The bottom line is that you have hired a great team of professionals (I hope!). Trust that they are doing just what you've asked them to do. Enjoy you day and be our guest.

Its a balancing act

You're getting married! You have dreamt of this day forever it seems. Now is your chance to do all of those things you've thought about, written in your journal, and imagined since you became engaged. Can you do it all? How do you do it all?? Do you do it for you, or for your guests?

As you begin planning and working out your time line, do it in a few points of view. Make out your schedule for the day, think about your attendants & family's where and whens, and don't forget about your guests. Its very easy to schedule in the extra 2 hours for the photo shoot you want in between your ceremony and reception. And although many of your family & attendants will be doing it with you, what about your guests who are not? When your guests are all local, maybe its no big deal to go home for a few hours and come back for your dinner. But what if they're not from the area? Are they sitting in their rental car? finding a fast food place? or following you around like the paparazzi?
Why not have someone host them? Say there are 10-15 that you know will be coming, and might not know the area. Perhaps a close friend or family member (not in the wedding) can invite them over for a pitcher of margaritas and some cheese and crackers. Really anything that shows that you have thought about your guests and their comfort will be welcomed.

Lets talk ceremony.
You've decided to touch on rituals from many different cultures, since you and your soon-to-be spouse are from different cultures yourselves. You've spent months writing your own ceremony and know the whole thing by heart. In this case, don't fore go a program. Include the ceremony's out line, but more importantly, tell us what the ritual's represent, and why you chose them. I want to understand that when you turn to face each of the 4 directions its a native American tradition thanking the Earth. Don't give us things that make us go hmmm.

Celebrity vs. Neighbor.
Are you sitting at the edge of the room on an elevated platform away from your guests where you can be seen? Or are you sitting in the middle of the room where everyone can (and will) stop by your table to congratulate you? Every couple has a different idea for their day. If you opt to be seen/watched, give us a show. Have it all be organized, seamless, magical. Smile everywhere you go - some one is always watching. If you're sitting among your guests, be welcoming of their chatting with you. Try to get your photos done and out of the way and don't leave (much) again. Speak to your guests. And I don't mean table hopping during dinner where you speak to everyone at the table and count that as spending time with them. At some point, really have a moment and chat with your guests. You don't need to ask about what happened at work the last 2 days you were gone, but don't just flash them a pretty smile and walk right by. They are there for you. They are there because you invited them. So be a gracious host (or have someone else be), and have a good time. Ultimately, its your happiness that will be contagious. So can you do it all? as long as you've taken care of your guests, Yes! (and do it with flair:-))

Pros vs. Cons

Everyone knows someone who is a DJ, florist, photographer, or some other wedding vendor. The question is "When do you hire a friend?"
Its really important that you be honest with yourself about your expectations before you speak to any friend about them working for you at your wedding. Do you expect their complete professionalism, giving you the same, if not more attention than their other clients? Are you paying them, or expecting it for free?

I hear there are professional vendors out there who will work just as hard for their friend's events even if they're not getting paid - but I have yet to meet one. Evey time there is a friend, in the back of my mind I'm hearing "oh no." If you have your friend who, lets say, is a photographer, and you tell them to just have fun and enjoy the wedding - don't be surprised when they're at the bar getting a drink, mingling, or maybe putting down the camera after the cake has been cut. Did they get all the shots you wanted? How could they when you didn't give them a list because you didn't want to seem so pushy, and well "they know what they're doing, right?"

I once worked with a DJ who was a guest. Somehow every time I needed him to make an announcement he was no where to be found (yes, he had a copy of the time line). And even though it was a smaller wedding (75), and was friends with many of the guests, he decided to be casual and not use the mic. Instead, he cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled things like " ok guys, they're gonna cut the cake, so go over there so these table can get taken away" or "its time for some people to say stuff - you know the drill" for toast time. At the end of the night when I told him it was time for their last dance, he said he was playing the last song - they hadn't discussed a formal last dance/goodbye/send off song... so no announcement, nothing. The couple just went around and sheepishly said good bye to a few people and just left - no fan fare or anything. so I gathered up a group standing near the door and told them that we were going to walk them to their town car and we gave them the send off you would expect.

Your DJ isn't just the guy who's playing the songs, he is the emcee - the entertainment. With out that, there isn't much excitement, anticipation, magic.
So know what you're getting yourself into. Friend or not, if you want their full service you should consider paying their full fee. If they offer a discount, or to do it for free let them know you appreciate their offer, but that you want to be "just like any of your other couples." Perhaps you still get the discounts, but it'll set you up for having all of the meetings and phone calls to go over details like they do every other time. 'Cause at the end of the (wedding) day, your coordinator can put out tons of "fires," but we can't (make you a new cake, take the photos, sing your 1st song, ask for a do over on your intro as husband and wife, or remake the pasta) do it all ... unless we know ahead of time ;-)

Are you a Green Bride?

Living here in Northern California, we hear and talk about "Green" all the time. From our cars and homes, to our kids lunch boxes, and clothing. But many people today still think you need to be all or nothing. I'm a believer of every little bit helps. How green are you?

There are many things you can do even for your wedding. Some of the basics are using recycled paper for your printed items (invitations, programs, welcome notes, etc.). Also consider hiring only local vendors - within a 50 mile radius of your wedding site. How about using only 1 location for ceremony and reception. Are your vendors green? In this area most all caterers use only fresh local ingredients. How about your area? There was once a bride very proud of being green, but I was surprised that the organic cake she ordered had to be shipped in, as well as her hemp dress, which was made in another state which she flew to 5 times in the planning process. Just sayin'.

One thing that I've been doing for years, which is now a big wow, is taking all those lovely flowers seen at your wedding, and rearranging them into smaller bouquets and taking them to senior centers and convalescent homes. The recipients really love them! And otherwise they end up in the garbage or at the wait staff's homes.

So take small steps into helping our planet - whatever your beliefs are, less is (really) more!

Bridal Fairs

The beginning of the year is always filled with new goals, and promises. For many of you, the promise of marriage came in the form of a Christmas gift, or a New Year's resolution.

So now you're planning a wedding. Congratulations! How fun and exciting!! ... but for some of you its a bit overwhelming. Lucky for you the start of the year also brings about Bridal Fair Season. For the next 2 months you can find a fair, or "show" practically every weekend. So lets talk about what to do there.

A Bridal fair is a great place to meet potential vendors. Its also the perfect place to get ideas when you're just starting out. When you're well on your way, its a great way to book your vendors at a discounted rate. I like to think of them as a great place to do lots of research in a short time frame. So keep in mind 2 things: you are looking for vendors, and they are working to book weddings. But lets keep it fun.

 So how do you get started? Here are a few tips to make it worth your while:
Before you go

• When you hear about a show and are thinking about attending, call them or look up their website. Find out if participating vendors have free passes and then contact one, or several depending on how many tickets you'll need. Keep in mind you might only get one or two from any vendor as they might only get 5-10 passes total.
• Decide who is going with you. At first you might think of bringing your mom, his mom, your sisters, your bff, and his sis cuz shes had the same boyfriend since high school. Not a good idea. It won't even be that fun for them all. Sure there will be food and cake samples in little 2oz cups, and maybe some wine, but is it worth paying $10-$15 per person if you don't get a free pass? Will it be fun for everyone to wait for you as you're talking to florists or invitation companies? And keep in mind, the vendors really want to talk to the decision maker, not the "bridal party." If its your first show and you don't have a date set, bring someone - just 1, that you'll have fun with while getting ideas. If you're further into the planning stages with a date and a budget and really looking for information bring along someone who is going to make decisions too (your mom, or fiance). When you're looking to book someone bring your check book!
• Some shows will provide you with a page or 2 of labels with your name and information on them, others don't. Find out and make your own if they don't give them to you. What you'll want on it is your REAL name, wedding date, email, and your mailing address is up to you. Some vendors might still contact you by snail mail, but most will email these days. The reason you want these is that often vendors raffle off discounts or gifts and its much easier to stick on your label than to write out all the information.

Once at the Bridal Fair

• Look at every one's photos. They will all have them, and its a great way to get ideas and inspiration. Even if its a vendor you know you don't need.
• Enter every raffle/giveaway, you never know what you might win.... years ago, I won my dress!
• Talk to the vendors. Look them in the eye and say hello.
• Be honest. If you don't have a date, say so. If you're just getting ideas say so... but please don't avoid us. If you don't want us to talk to you, and you don't want to talk to us, why are you there?!
•  Don't look at merchandise and say how ugly something is and that you wouldn't be caught dead in it. That's just rude, and believe me, that vendor will remember you when you walk through their door.
• Ask questions. "I hadn't really thought about using a ______, how can you help me?"
• Don't monopolize a vendor. If you click and are getting some good information, ask if you can set up a time for a more detailed consultation. Remember at the show, they're trying to meet as many potential brides as possible.
• get a card or brochure from everyone. Its a great place to jot down notes like "good idea," "call," or "don't hire." And don't throw them out until you've hired all of your vendors. You'll often get referrals from other vendors and its great to cross reference them if you've already met them.
• Don't avoid a vendor that you've met with but decided not to hire. Just say hello as you walk by. If they ask you why you haven't called back you can be honest (which is really helpful to their business), or you can just say "our needs have changed." And if you just didn't mix, they probably had the same feeling.

Discounts

    If you've seen a vendor that you'd like to hire but are waiting for the next bridal fair for a discount, you're better off just asking if they can give you their show rate. You don't want to take the chance on them getting booked by another bride. But if they can't do that (they'd rather book someone at their regular rate), and you want to take the risk and wait, ask them if they'll pencil you in for your date and give you a call if someone else wants the same date. At least that way, you'll get to make the decision. But if you have one of those popular wedding dates, like 9/10/11, don't expect to get any breaks. You thought it was such a great date, and so did hundreds of other couples.

Bottom line, bridal shows can be at its best a great place to hire your vendors and get some amazing ideas. At its worst, it can be crowded, loud, and overwhelming. So come prepared. Wear comfy shoes, and bring water. Be ready to chat, take notes, and have fun.